In your hands Jesus Written July 24, 2018

You cradle my heart in your hands Jesus

You’re all encompassing love holds the shards together

Smoothing out all rough edges filling the cracks with grace and patience

You hem me in
front and behind
perfect stitches I can’t unwind

Tortured and slashed
cut and impaled

Your hands demonstrate your ever present love for me

Yet in my brokenness I can hold my head high
Your broken hands set me free

With love, honor and care you gave more than your share

So hold me now as I Lift Your Name up

With you by my side I am more than alive
I don’t have to just survive

You hear my cry and hem me in
I drop everything at your feet and reach for your embrace

Your hands gather me up again and again

My only safe place is hidden in your grace

Wisdom and strength come in waves
You carry me through when the empty night scares

Your presence brings light to the shadows
healing to hidden wounds

I am in your hands Jesus

your touch changes everything

Keep Heart Written July 24, 2018

Keep heart for we are renewed day by day

To watch a fellow Warrior end their own fight carries a piece of your own hope away

Even though their battle is over there is much left to be won

Jesus will carry her from now on

A candle will burn for her in your heart flickering with the pain of sadness

Don’t let your hope be tied to her loss but remain with the memory of her life

Love is a sacrifice

a small piece of you now will always be gone

Turn to the one who sees you both healed and whole

The one you can’t outrun

He loves you so let him cradle you in His arms

When the time comes you will see face to face
the glory of home

Reunited together where love, healing, hope and peace meet

…And remember you are never alone
Learning to live again Written July 18, 2018

Learning to live again is like
trying to climb a waterfall

There is nothing normal, when trying to
find a new normal

I think “if I can just get my footing
then I can keep going”

Forgetting that I sacrificed my feet for the rights
everyone else was granted
…and my legs are not my own

Its like trying to move a mountain
with the strength of an embrace

Or trying to douse a fire
with tears of exhaustion

It changes something inside you
to carry your broken pieces in a basket at your side

Only to stumble and drop them in the river
And helplessly watch them dissolve

For your every thought to be
wrong or weak in some way

There is nothing to build on when your bricks
turn to sand

I endlessly scurry to add water to my mortar
while the riverbed runs dry

My world is so small
yet more than I can handle

My thoughts run about like demons in the air
An unseen virus that affects only the broken

Control is an illusion I once had the right to

When foundations are shaken by fear
Survivors fear, fear itself

And learning to live again is not blaming
the faulty foundations
But telling fear it can’t live here anymore
A Psalm Written July 9, 2018

In your love I rest
In your peace I can breathe
There is a release of pressure I didn’t know I carried

You understand me when words escape me
You shine a light of reality on my fears.
Hope into my darkness.

I have given my best.
When I feel it isn’t enough
You set me apart from the rest

Remind me I am chosen
You see me and we are one
With you I have already won.

Not even death can pull us apart
You never tire of fighting on my behalf
My witness, my judge and jury.

You have carried me safely in your loving arms
You stand guard every night and pray over me every morn
Incessantly interceding on my behalf

Grateful beyond words for your persistent love and patience
Grace unending soothes this sinners heart

I am left in awe in the presence of such a gift
I breathe it in and don’t want to let it out
Fearful my shame or words could possibly taint it
How could I be so worthy?
Daily Bread Written June 30, 2018

Thank you Jesus for this day

Thank you that you believe me and hear what I say

You know my heart and true desires

To serve you before my time here expires

You have sent me on a mission
I intend to see it through

Tell me what it is you need me to do
The Only Cure Written June 29, 2018

To be emotionally broken and physically unable
Is a task not easily undertaken

But you don’t blink an eye
You know I can do it

What you teach me in this time
Will change me forever

Satan tries to tell me its your plan
To see me fail

His unrelenting efforts label me as a threat

But this battle is already won,
You gave me victory Jesus,
When you said “She’s mine”

So satan can keep on trying,
cause your gift keeps me from dying

Only a formidable opponent
Warrants such attack

With my shield of faith
And love as my armor
Every fight makes me stronger

So do your worst satan
I am a child of God
You can hold me no longer

The God that created the universe
Is on my side, it will take more than
The impossible to push me aside

It is his presence that makes me great
And nothing can pull us apart
Cause I gave Him my whole heart
Pieces and all

In Him it is well with my soul
My heart is pure
He is the only cure
Gifts of Jesus Written June 29, 2018

I don’t need to change the world
or be someone important

No need to stand out among the crowd
Just to do His will makes me proud

He made me who I am, formed me in the womb
Carved out a space for me to exist when He walked out of the tomb

When I am faint and falling apart
His grace is sufficient to cover me

His sacrifice the stitches of my marrow
Holding me together, now and forever.

His mercies new everyday
Thankful they cover the mistakes of yesterday.

His blood flowed of his own free will.
No greater love is known to man than the God
Who died for his friends

To smile is to know your joy
Lives within me

The air in my lungs – a sigh of relief –
To know you sought me out
And there is no where I can run that’s too far

You designed me with perfect precision
To need you in every way

From the current that beats my heart to aching of my soul
You know it all and still love me so.

Your purpose for me I cannot fathom
The gifts you bestow, the blessings overflow

Your guidance unceasing, a light in the dark
Cuts through the smoke, the mirror of lies

You instill me with hope
My salvation a gift
In you I am worthy and that won’t change a bit

I turn my face upward to bask in your light.
Alone I am nothing,
but with you I am more than alright.

A single word from you can make my heart open
Quiet and still I will praise you until…
Longing and waiting with perfect zeal
It won’t change how I feel.

Even if life with you is a struggle
I will suffer in your name
Because life without you has no meaning.

So I hold your name high
As you hold me up
For without you I will surely die.

You give me strength to continue
Your love is enough

Endurance meets wisdom
Sacrifice and provision
Eternal forgiveness

You reach out in the night
Hold me close and never separate
me from your light
What I wanted Written June 29, 2018

Of all the things I wanted
I want you to believe in me the most

I want you to know I am strong enough to keep going
When I don’t

I want you to see me, I want you to hear me
See my struggle and still know.

I don’t need to inspire others
I don’t need fancy things
Just a hug and some reassuring

I need to know you think I can succeed

And to know you love me enough to stick around and watch me try

Remind me my dreams aren’t crazy
Or out of reach

That I am worthy of my calling
When I am stuck down deep

Untitled Poem – Written June 26, 2018

Sadness burns in my stomach like acid bubbles on a boiler

The pain of my heartache overflows spreading down the back of my arms

Hot tears threaten to burn my cheeks if I let them loose

Like shutters on a window my shame keeps me hidden from view;
in plain sight, but unseen.

Every rejection mounting closes another window
Slowly snuffing out the light

And when it is dark I can fall apart

I can exhale the panic and breathe in the dust

My soul can leave its hiding place – behind my broken heart

I want to have joy, I want to have hope
But I lost the strength to carry them both

We are taught integrity. Don’t let the enemy in

Extend grace, forgive others, live in peace, be grateful
‘cause He is faithful

Integrity is suffocating me
Organ by organ, cell by cell
But I do it well.

I will hold it together so they can’t tell

Comfort is a far off country that I long to visit
But the longer I am a drift the further away I get.

Like an early morning mist my hope of getting there dissipates with the light of day

The others move about their lives by the rules of the daylight, with little insight

I am captive among them, trapped in the camouflage that is my body.

They wave and say hi, not knowing my smile is a lie.
Unaware it’s the match that lights my dynamite.