I came across this letter I had written to myself in August of 2017, while I was searching for the piece I wrote New Years day about prayer. It wasn’t my original plan to post this now but I think you may find it an inspiring exercise. When I wrote this my son and I had finally been granted the restraining order we so desperately needed. The emotional abuse from his father had come to a boiling point and the restraining order provided much needed relief. I met with the police the day after I wrote this and the following day the physical symptoms of my stress started to manifest themselves. I completely forgot about it. I want to encourage you to write one of these to yourself. Write it from God’s perspective looking down on his child. I will post it exactly as I wrote it…
August 30, 2017
I have learned that I can’t wait for others to be my cheerleader that sometimes words of encouragement must come from me, but more importantly I must believe they are true. It’s hard to fathom that after a life time of hating myself that these words can come from me. But I need to speak truth. Even more so I need to hear it.
This week has been hell on earth. I know you have felt sad, overwhelmed by the injustice of everything as you have every right to. But please don’t stay there, don’t let those feelings cover up all you have to be thankful for. God has blessed you in so many ways. He has shown himself to you through love and constant blessings. You are safe even if you don’t feel that way at times. God has protected you thus far you must trust he will continue. To have fear, shows a lack of trust.
Give up control. You never had it in the first place. God loves you so much, he carries you, let him. Continue to work on forgiveness, you deserve the peace the comes with it. You are worthy of more than you have been treated in the past. Don’t let others decide your worth, only God can do that. Believe that you can heal from this. Believe that there is someone out there who can treat you as you should be, someone who’s love will cover all the hurt with joy. Believe that Ethan will be given an earthly father that loves him almost as much as his heavenly Father. You need to know Tracy that what has happened to you is not your fault. No matter what the world does to you don’t change. You have beautiful soul and an unwavering faith. You are doing so well, keep going. You have given up all crutches, and have made it through the most difficult stressful time of your life with grace and integrity. You are a warrior, you are brave. You have been given so many gifts. You are an amazing mother. Your son is safe because of you. He has a fighting chance to thrive because of the stability you have provided. You have kept going when you wanted to quit. You surprise me everyday. Ask for what you need, your heavenly Father sees your tears and will provide. Love yourself.